Tuesday, 25 February 2014


She sat by the lake and stared at the setting sun. It was a beautiful evening. She watched the Night arranging itself, colouring the evening purple and the blue sky black. She would have liked to be alone but instead, she was surrounded by love-struck, young couples, holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes. She rolled her eyes and tried to look away as one pair of love-birds indulged in tender, passionate kissing, completely oblivious of the rest of the world. She despised public displays of affection. Suddenly, she felt a knot in her stomach. The tightening feeling made her want to throw up. This was not good. This could not be happening! She immediately got up and started walking, not sure of the direction she was headed towards.  Tears were starting to well up in her eyes and she furiously fought them, trying to stop herself from crying.

She felt silly. She had no idea why she was crying. Was it for a lost love? Or a love never lost? Or was it for a love that never happened? She wished she could just shrug her shoulders, mutter “I don’t know” and brush it off but she knew deep down that she had the answer. She was now all by herself on a lonely boulevard and it was getting darker. Perhaps this darkness was a metaphor of her harsh reality. She thought that the darkness was symbolic of the hatred she had nurtured in her mind about the so-called metaphysical feeling called ‘love’. She had started despising the entire notion of love. The very mention of love irritated her. She had been its victim once. Love had forced her to care so immensely that she saw that someone in a way that was inaccurate. What and who she thought the person was did not match up to who they were in reality. Wearing rose-coloured glasses and overlooking that someone’s flaws and imperfections was easy. What was difficult was ignoring the fact that she was not being treated with the kindness and love she deserved. After spending weeks and months trying to figure out what was wrong with her, she finally broke free from the cycle and escaped home.

As she looked around, she found herself alone. With the evening coming to a close, people had started trickling out of the park. She found an empty spot by the lake and looked at her reflection in the water. She was not pleased at the sight. Returning home had not really helped. While she enjoyed returning to familiar territories, she missed the company of a few of her friends in her current city of residence. After all, they understood what she was going through. Around them there were no charades. But she loved the feel of her home-town. It helped her connect to her true self – a self she had forgotten and forgone long ago. She knew she was caught in a tussle but as she witnessed the turmoil in her body, things started clearing up for her. She knew home was not a place or a person. As long as she could be comfortable in her own company, she would always be home.

She had no idea why she was suddenly feeling angry. She tossed a stone into the water and watched the ripples distorting her image. She had to stay strong. She could not allow herself to fall into the trap set by love once again. She resolved to resist love with all her might and never fall in love again. How foolish of her! She failed to see that love was too vast for her to feel it. Love was present in every breath that gave her life. It was love that allowed her to feel that strength from within. Love was the wisdom within her. Love is all these things in everyone. Love was not separate from her. She was love.