Monday, 18 August 2014

The Desert

Her crest-fallen face was enough to tell people that things had not ended well. They kept their curiosity in check, respecting her silence over that matter. Several nights passed and she still wore that same dejected expression.

Days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months. They declared that the time had come for her to move on but how could she when she did not know how to? She was so different from her favourite poet, Neruda, who grandly proclaimed "if little by little you stop loving me/I shall stop loving you little by little. If suddenly you forget me/do not look for me/for I shall already have forgotten you."

She did not want to move on from him because she still loved him and she did not know how not to.
 When she had met him the very first time, she had felt that she ought to keep a safe distance from him. He was very different from the rest of the people around her. He accepted her just the way she was finding perfection in all her imperfections and he forced her to observe everything, within and without, in a new light. She had thought that she would be able to navigate her way through this beautiful storm but, only now, she realized that it was too late.

Even when there had been people surrounding her, she had always felt lonely. Like a barren desert, she remained not inviting another soul into her world. He had come into her life like a ravenous sandstorm and swept her away from her barren existence into the comforts of civilization. She started opening up to people, not even hesitating before interacting with strangers. Life had never been more beautiful.

But now he was gone and no matter how hard she tried, she just could not forget him. Honestly, she wasn't even sure if she was trying hard enough. Forgetting him would mean forgetting her own self for she never saw herself separate from him. And even if she got rid of all those memories, could she really go back to being her old self? What was her old self like? She had no recollection of it. That part of her was lost forever...
She felt empty. Her soul was barren again. The vastness of the desert scared her. Everything looked too far away, even the cloudless sky. She could hide nowhere in such emptiness. She kept hoping to see a falling star - it was her one chance of making her wish come true.

Alas! There were no stars in the clear sky save one and that star twinkled brightly in the sky, indicating it had no intention of falling.

He was like that stubborn star in the sky, always gleaming even when she had no desire to see the path that lay ahead. His absence in her life was as powerful as his presence. Just like the light from a scorching sun that burns the sandy desert, his absence fuelled her to move ahead to newer roads, newer avenues. Unfortunately, no matter where she went, she still remained the way she was. What was missing never changed. She knew she was still beautiful but she was empty. No one could die for her. All the places she went to were different but she was still the same, incomplete soul. She was still the parched, arid desert that craved for rain to fall.