A Letter To My Girl-Friend

Friendship is a story that chances a beginning each time two strangers interact and click with each other. Our tale is not like those. We started chatting, we met, but we never really ended up becoming "good friends". You were busy with whatever was happening in your life and I had different priorities in mine. And then, on that fated night, you called. I don't think even you knew back then that that phone conversation would change a lot of equations in our life! We were up the whole night, talking on the phone, and since then - we haven't stopped!

You are the one person who knows most of my secrets - the only one who knows all my fears, my desires, the one I trust to keep all my secrets safe - and I know all my secrets are safe with you. I have no inhibitions even sharing those thoughts with you that might make others label me as, perhaps, weird. You may not be non-judgmental at all times but it's alright - sometimes, I need to hear the truth, no matter how hard it may seem. You are someone with whom I can gossip for hours and I love the fact that you listen to me even when I am telling you about people who you do not know at all.

Life is not a bed of roses and our relationship has never been free of thorns. There are times when I have felt that we are growing apart. I have rationalized that it isn't anybody's fault and we are just different people headed in different directions.  But then something happens at work and I start to laugh. My colleagues look at me and wonder what's wrong. At that time, I miss you because I know you would know why I was laughing and join me! With the passage of time, we have so many inside jokes that our friendship has developed a secret code of its own - sometimes we can simply look at each other, not say a word, and just start cracking up leaving those watching us perplexed and miffed. Even when I am not with you, there are times when I see something and immediately think of you. It is a reflex action to just dial your name on my phone and tell you all about my day - not many things register as actual experiences unless I have shared them with you.

Changes can be rough. With you by my side, I believe I might be able to survive all the major changes that life will throw my way and I promise to always hold your hand and walk by  your side when life is being a rocky ride for you. After all, friendship is all about being there for your friend - so whether you need my help while you are nursing a broken heart or whether you need me to take care of you while you've returned home drunk, I shall do the needful because I know you would do the same for me.

I have always been a social butterfly but there are very few people who are included in my innermost circle of friends. You are, probably, the only girl in that intimate circle - If today I believe that every girl needs a girl-friend by her side, it is only because of your presence in my life. I love the way we finish each other's sentences and know how the other one is feeling by a simple glance at her face. Our friendship has been put to test quite a few times but each time, it has survived because neither of us is ready to give up on the other person and on the bond that we share.  Thank you for being such an integral part of my life. I genuinely hope that we shall be friends till the end!

The Birthday Wish-List

Today, I received a call from a college-friend asking me for my postal address. She said she needed it to send me my birthday gifts for this year! Now, all those who regularly follow my blog must be aware by now that I am a big fan of birthdays! However, with exactly a month to go before I turn 24 years old, I was a little surprised to find myself not feeling a bit joyous about it. My friend on the phone, perhaps noticing my indifference, remarked, “Are you upset about turning a year older?” I couldn't help but smile on hearing that comment. I always crib about turning old every year. However, this time, I don’t think that is the case. I haven’t celebrated my birthday in a grand, elaborate manner since the last three years.  If it weren't for a select few people who demand a treat, I’d probably be sitting at home on my birthday dressed in my PJs. As I told my friend how tedious I think birthday celebrations are, she was astounded, “You have changed so much post college!” I just smiled and told her, “I don’t have anyone like you here to make this day special for me!” She giggled and ranted on the phone about what she would do if she was in Mumbai for my special occasion. For a while, I was transported back in time as I heard her chatter. Before hanging up, she made me promise that I would make a wish-list because, in the words of my dear friend, “Even if I am not around, my best friend must have the time of her life!”

So yes, with just a month to go, here is what I wish for this birthday:

• Happiness:  Happiness means different things to different people. I feel happy when I am valued. I think one never needs a reason to spread smiles. This birthday, I want to be happy by spreading happiness around me. I have decided to perform some random acts of kindness during my birthday month. If you have any suggestions on what these might be, feel free to send me your requests!

• Love: Sometimes all it takes is a hug or a kiss or a concerned arm around your shoulder to melt all your troubles away. I feel we are living in a world, today, that is unfortunately characterized by indifference. On my birthday, if you wish to make a difference in my world, please do not hesitate from spreading love and brightening the lives of those individuals who you feel are special to you (and if I am a special person in your life, please note that I too need my share of love and affection!).

• Acceptance: We all have a tendency to like people for the things they do that make our life special. This birthday, I want to be accepted for who I am. It may seem to be a rather humble request but when was the last time you were able to accept someone unconditionally? I have flaws just like you do but why let that come in the way of treating one another with non-judgementality and unconditional positive regard.

These are the three wishes I have. Three simple wishes, or am I asking for a lot?

Leaving Crossroads

He was a silent worker who always kept to himself. His reclusive and lonesome nature was one of the many objects of interest for most of his co-workers.
She used to chatter away to glory with anybody who as much as looked in her direction. She was the life of many parties. People were mesmerized by her charms and mannerisms but she did not seem impressed by anybody.

It was a typical Monday morning for everyone at work. Almost all the people were cribbing about returning to work after having “so much fun” during the weekend. It wasn't just another day for him. It was that day of the year when he had turned a year older. As he entered office and walked towards his cubicle, not one head glanced in his direction. He was hardly a prominent figure – no one noticed his presence nor missed his absence. He sat at his desk and switched on the computer. He, suddenly, noticed a note on his bulletin-board. It simply read “Happy Birthday”. He recognized the handwriting. It was from her.
The whole day she was busy with presentations. He managed to catch hold of her at lunch-time. “Thank you,” he said. “But how did you know it was my birthday?”
She flashed her million-dollar smile, “I keep a list of everyone’s date of birth so that I don’t forget to wish them! Birthdays are important, don’t you think?”
She walked away without really waiting for a response. He watched her go, baffled by the ease and comfort with which she did things. No one would believe that this was just her first month at work.

After this incident, their interactions increased. He found that he could talk to her about anything. His evenings were no longer spent doing over-time and his weekends were never spent alone at home.
She gave up being a people’s person and settled for a small group of close-knit friends.

They were inseparable. They completed each other’s sentences. One knew what was on the other’s mind even before words were spoken. 

People talked about them. People made up stories. 

This did not bother them. If anything, it was nothing less than a source of entertainment for them!

After some time, he quit the organization to pursue what he felt was his “real calling”. She stayed on only to join him later, after some months. This move was in “their” best interest. Distance was not doing their relationship any good.  It wasn't what her heart wanted but she did not want to disappoint him. He needed her just as she needed him, she told herself.
He hated it when she used to prioritize work over spending time with him. It tore her heart to a million shreds when she found him choosing the company of other people before her. Something was amiss and it was now time to strike a compromise.
She gave up her passion to help him follow his path of dreams. She plunged herself in darkness in the hope of showing him the light.

As time passed, it became clear to her that it was all futile. He did not need her. She decided to go back to her old life. But going back isn't as simple as it seems to be. Retracing one’s steps does not mean that one manages to restore themselves back to their old selves in a complete manner. She found that she could just not force herself to be the person she used to be. She no longer craved company – she did not like having people around. They annoyed her. She immersed herself in work but her zeal had vanished. She was just not as good as she used to be at one point of time. She felt that her parts had gone rusty. Each day, she was dying a slow, painful death. She wanted to run away but she had no place to go. She did not even know who or what she was running away from. In the end, she settled for a life of mediocrity. She was with people but felt alone all the time. People are, after all, no substitute for the emptiness one feels within.
He became extremely successful in his new field and stood on top of the ladder of success. People looked up to him in awe. He had everything in life. He was content, blissfully and conveniently unaware of the damage he had caused, perhaps unintentionally, to someone who, once upon a time, was his closest friend. It was alone up there but he wasn't lonely. After all, he had always enjoyed his own company.

They had crossed paths but their destinations were different. He wanted to be like the Pole Star, the brightest star in the northern sky.
She wanted to burst like a star and dissolve like a handful of glitter into the universe to give herself back to where she came from...

Hey, It's Your Birthday, Bro!

Your birthday, in my opinion, should be the most important day in the year for you because it marks the celebration of the most significant person in your life - YOU! While I love celebrating my birthday with my friends and I like receiving calls from all my near and dear ones, my brother is quite the opposite. He is someone who likes keeping to himself; and birthdays are a rather tedious affair for him because he is expected to answer calls and respond to messages. For my brother, his birthday is just like any other day of the year. "I do not need one particular date to know that I have become older and wiser," he often used to argue with me. There were times when he did not even bother wishing me at midnight despite being in the same house because he did not think it mattered. I found myself getting, both,  exasperated and amused at the way he functioned. However, since his birthday always fell in the middle of holidays, almost every year, we planned a vacation around that time, and escaped the humdrum of our daily life. 

This is the second time in the last three years that my brother is not in the same city as I am for us to celebrate his birthday together. We aren't even in the same country and it feels funny wishing him at midnight (as per the time-zone in the country he inhabits). It is at these times that I realize the proximity created by phone calls, messages, Skype are nothing but illusions. Nothing can beat the actual physical presence.

It was one fateful day when the word "sibling" came into my existence - the day when peace, privacy, secrets and the undisputed right to the remote control vanished forever! I think my brother holds a rather peculiar place in my life. As a child, I think there were days when I declared that I would be so much better without him; yet I could not really imagine what my life would be like if he hadn't been a part of it. There are times when I wish my brother would leave me alone and then there are occasions when I need my brother and appreciate his company. He is someone with whom I am comfortable sharing almost everything about my life - he is more of a friend and my partner-in-crime than a pain-in-the-neck in the form of a brother. Now, when I think of it, life would just not be the same if I did not have my brother to share it - no joke would seem so funny, no mistake so droll. 

Although I love my brother very much, I have never said this to him on his face even though I have meant it every single day. I guess that is the way with siblings...On his twenty-first birthday, however, I want him to know that he is one of the most important persons in my life and I absolutely adore him! 

The Year Of Surprises

Birthdays have always been a special event for me. Being a person who is not very religious, I regard birthdays as the only day worth celebrating in the life of every individual.From the time I was a small child, I have always had my birthday celebrated in a grand, elaborate manner. Of course, over the years the extravagance has sublimed to quite an extent, but my birthday is still a day which I enjoy spending with my near and dear ones.

My sixteenth birthday is one which I remember very clearly - that year I had broken my leg and was confined to the bedroom. Despite it being my birthday, I did not have a cake to cut nor any visitors who were coming home to meet me. My brother was in school and my parents had gone off to work. I was all alone at home and rather dejected. My friends were busy giving exams which I had been exempted from writing owing to the fact that I could not attend school. As I lay in bed reading a book, I got a call on the intercom that two of my friends had come home to meet me! I was so surprised! It was completely unexpected and thanks to both of them, I had a happy sixteenth birthday after all.

It may strike you as strange but despite this pleasant experience, I have never been fond of surprises. I do not think that receiving a surprise enhances pleasure. I agree that I was happy to have two unexpected visitors dropping in to celebrate my birthday but I do not think my happiness would have been less had I been prepared for their arrival. In hind sight, being aware that they were going to come would have resulted in me not having a miserable mood even for half a day - I would have been impatiently anticipating their arrival instead of brooding over the fact that no one seemed to be taking any effort for making this occasion special.

I happened to stumble upon this quote while writing this post:

"Surprises are foolish things. The pleasure is not enhanced, and the inconvenience is often considerable."
- Jane Austen
I remember having a conversation with my friend, Su, on the topic of getting surprises on birthdays. She told me about an incident where one of her friends had planned a surprise party for her on the evening of her birthday - this friend had instructed others to not wish Su at midnight or the entire day. Su was unhappy at midnight when none of her siblings or family members wished her on her birthday. Throughout the day she continued being upset because none of her friends had bothered remembering her birthday and wishing her - even her oldest childhood friend seemed to have forgotten that it was her birthday! It was only in the evening when she discovered the party did she cheer up and celebrate. But was it really necessary to make her go through all that misery the entire day, we, both, wondered?

My best friend had once attempted to surprise me on my seventeenth birthday and failed to do so - he had just moved to the city where I was residing at that time and had decided to not share that information with me - the news was going to be my birthday surprise! Unfortunately for him, I found out much before my birthday that he was in the city and I was furious at not being informed. I took it to mean he did not wish to meet me and I was quite cross!

I have neither been too fond of giving surprises nor fond of receiving them! With time, I have tried keeping an open mind and practicing this growing fad. One day, I sat and introspected and realized that what I don't like about surprises is keeping a person completely in the dark and making him or her feel glum on his or her special day. I realized I don't mind surprising my friends at midnight! I remember dropping into my friend's office at midnight while he was busy working with a basket of goodies and cake. He was pleasantly surprised because he was only expecting me to wish him on the phone at that time - he did not really think that I would drop in at work just to wish him on his birthday! The look on his face was priceless and I could sense that he was happy as he told other people on the phone about how his friend and another colleague managed to surprise him!
Earlier this year, I had surprised another friend in another city by sending her birthday gifts at her hostel - since I had received her postal address from her brother, she was not at all expecting to receive something and, hence, was pleasantly taken aback on the morning of her birthday!

This year, my friend, Sanika, was turning 23 years old. For her birthday, I surprised her by organizing a treasure-hunt for her - I had hidden her gifts in various parts of the house and some time before midnight, I gave her clues that would lead her to them. The hunt was planned to end at 12:00 a.m. sharp with her discovering her last gift that would lead her to her cake which was in  the shape of a girl on the moon (being a Cancerian, she fancies herself as the Moon Maiden). Things went as planned and, if I can say so for myself, I think my surprise worked out well and she did have a good time.

At present, I don't think I am still keen about the prospect of getting surprised on my birthday - I'd prefer knowing whatever it is that is going to come my way. On the other hand, surprising those who like surprises (or at least claim to like surprises) is something I am comfortable with, and, as I have recently discovered, something that I enjoy doing. I am good at planning surprises and ensuring that they are executed successfully but when it comes to being at the end of receiving a surprise, I'd still say, "Thanks but no thanks!"