Free Association

The alarm rings and I reach to hit the ‘Snooze’ button with a big groan. The extra five minutes of sleep are not really enough to arm me to wake up and face the world. Nevertheless, I put my feet on the ground and get out of bed. This is probably the only time of the day when you can proclaim, with assured guarantee, that I will not be having a smile on my face.

I brush my teeth and switch on the geyser. In the mornings, I feel too lazy to bathe and I try dawdling as much as I can. I grab the newspaper and amuse myself by reading just one particular column and some comic strips – yes, that is all I read! Don’t let the quantity of two newspapers delivered at my door-step every morning, with all the supplements, deceive you!

I switch on my laptop and visit Facebook. I like this book of faces. I like playing games with some of these faces. I like spying on some of these faces. I like the Facebook memes. I like the Facebook Likes! I am glad that Facebook allows me to “share”. Believe me, I am a very generous person!

I realize I can procrastinate no more. I push myself to get ready. Fifteen minutes is all it takes. I leave the house looking the best I can with my clothes, accessories, and the theme of my Windows Phone, all, colour-coordinated and matching. If you find it hard to believe that all this can be achieved in such a short while, I’m afraid that is your problem!

 It’s just a two-minute walk from my house to the station but it takes me longer. I like to look at the people I pass. My thoughts seem to wander instead of focusing on the road. Even though I take the same road, I always find new things to wonder about. The railway platform is just as fascinating and even more colourful. Most people hate the train journeys in Mumbai. I do not mind. I like travelling. It helps me know the world. It helps me know myself. More importantly, it allows me to Tweet, check-in, update my status, and, basically, tell the world what I am doing now!

On some occasions, a sudden text from an unexpected loved one lifts up my spirits. Not that my spirit needs any kind of lifting…On most days, I am way too high on happiness for my own good! But then, what is life without love? It’s like watching The Big Bang Theory without Sheldon (or Dr. Sheldon Cooper, as he likes to be called)…And The Big Bang Theory without Sheldon is like…well, nothing! Ironically, the Big Bang Theory states that out of nothing, everything was formed…but then, let us not distract ourselves with these sudden diversions of thoughts…

What? You are finding it hard to see where I am going with this post? How does it matter? Is it always necessary to know one’s destination when one ventures out on a journey? Sometimes, it’ll be nice if we just allow ourselves to flow. Allow your thoughts to flow. Why does one always insist on connections? Are you and I connected? Despite technology’s repeated attempts at making us believe otherwise, tell me, honestly, are you truly connected with anyone?

If you were here for the first time, by now, you will know that I talk a lot. If you’ve been here before, you could say that I’ve, probably, started talking even more. “These are all your perceptions! I don’t really care about the world!” is what I usually declare except that it isn’t always true. Inside, I am still screaming, tattered and crushed about the fact that I was judged, and perhaps, wrongly. But it’s a cruel world and I am a brave girl. The smile on my face defeats all your attacks. This smile on my face will never fade; and trust me when I tell you that; I am not someone who will be caught unaware. I completely believe in taking things at face-value even if that attitude goes against my profession. Looks can be deceiving but I really enjoy the game – you deceive me and I will deceive you. In the end, we are all just deceiving our own selves. There is no ‘you’ just like there is no ‘I’.

As you can see by now, this rant can go on endlessly. However, I shall have mercy on your soul and put an end to this jibber-jabber now. Feel free to “like” or make your presence felt in any other way; you also have the choice to meander to other spaces in the virtual world, pretending as if you were never here. Life is still beautiful.  

The Break-Up

It was way past midnight when she finally reached home. The effects of the whiskey were wearing off. She was no longer high on happiness. In fact, her head spun and she was feeling dizzy. She wished she had refrained from displaying her dancing skills at the club. Her legs ached. She got out of her heels and sat on her bed. She switched on her laptop and signed into her Facebook account.

He was still on her list of "Close Friends". They had broken up a week ago and even though she had changed her "Relationship Status" from "In a Relationship" to "Single", she still had not been able to remove him from her list of “Friends”.

She glanced at the list of notifications. He had changed his profile picture. He was with a girl – from the backdrop, she could make out that they were, both, in the living room of his house.  "Who is this chick?" she wondered. She looked at his Wall Posts. His status read, “Best Weekend Ever!!” She felt a sinking feeling in her stomach as she saw his latest “check ins”. He had visited a pub with her on Saturday evening, and on Sunday, they had gone for a movie together, after brunch at a restaurant which used to be her favourite.

She could not stop the tears from rolling down her eyes. She wanted to scream but no voice came out of her throat. She wanted to send him a message but he had changed his number. She did not have his new contact details. She was frustrated and she cried herself to sleep.

The next morning, she could not focus on work. She wondered how it had been so easy for him to move on. Even though she knew she was making a mistake, she could not abstain from logging into her Facebook account once again. There was another notification! He had changed his “Relationship Status” once again to being “In a Relationship”. He had uploaded new photos as well, of the weekend he had spent, with the new girl in his life.

As she stared at the screen, she, suddenly, burst out laughing. Surprisingly, instead of remembering the times she had spent with him in the last two years, it was a casual conversation with her mother that was playing in her mind. “Your generation is a strange one,” her mother had stated. “All of you are moving towards a culture of exhibitionism. It baffles me how you enjoy giving minute-by-minute updates of your life to the whole world. In our days, we had one camera and we developed the photos once in a year…But you upload pictures every single day – of lunch, of some kitten on the road, of your cubicle in the office – keep me away from all this. I do not need Facebook to let my close friends know what is happening in my life.”

Not being able to concentrate on any task, she decided to take the rest of the day off. After a long walk by herself on the beach, she dragged her legs home. Once again, she logged on to her account. This time, there were no notifications. She typed his name on the search bar but his profile did not open. He was no more appearing on her list of “Friends”. He had blocked her! She was even more amazed when she realized that this information did not devastate her. Although she was a little mad, at the same time, she also felt relieved. He had, with the click of a mouse, erased all possibilities of the two of them having any access to each other’s lives.

It was now her turn to shoot ahead. She managed to force a smile on her face as she clicked a picture of herself and uploaded it on Facebook with the caption “All Smiles J J”. She felt pleased as her picture received some instant “likes”. She had succeeded in showing to the world that she, too, was moving on…