A Note From The Rain

 This is for anyone who feels like continuing to hold on to something that Life wants them to let go of.

Hello!

When you want to hold on to your dream or a love for anything, and you feel like the whole world wants you to walk away from it, but you want to stay, I know how it feels. And I think everyone does…

I know you feel like the X that you drew on a map so many years ago seems further than ever…I know you feel like you cannot appreciate yourself no matter how hard you try because no matter how much effort you put in, they never seem enough…I know all these things because I recognize that look in your eyes – the look of tamed frustration of holding on to something that does not want to be held on to…I too understand what it feels like to burn with the fiery desires that one has the capability to possess and get burnt...I too understand what it feels like to have that heart made of fire-wood have its flames doused by the sudden shower of rain. I too have many questions, doubts and uncertainties. Questions that seemingly have no answer, doubts that want to pull at your strings of hope until they snap, and uncertainties that wish you would move on to something more stable.

You are not alone. And together, you and I, may have a solution; we may revel in entropic peace. Bear with me, the rain falls through my heart too, and I am simply trying to stop it from crumbling.

I feel it is the literal rain, an accompaniment to the drizzle of ideas and the hurricane of emotions that always makes melancholy more poetic than it actually is. Or, maybe, it’s because when life pulls the trigger, it is your own tears that comprise the rain that falls as dead bullets. That is not terribly surprising for the Universe thrives on War, and Life just so happens to be your personalised battle-field. In many ways, you have known all this time that a white murder was not too far along. The death of a dream you dreamed, a love you loved, a wish you wished or a belief you believed. Loss in any form is agonizing. That is where the rain comes handy. According to me, it gives the most beautiful explanation of this particular situation where you can feel yourself break; but it is not a clean break, it is not a clean fracture…It’s louder. It is the sound of rain in the most powerful thunderstorm you’ve been trapped in. Thousands of raindrops on roses, but they resemble thorns. Oh and the rain is strong; the drops relentlessly hit you, and the feeling is devastating. They shatter a part of you into billions of tiny pieces that you cannot put back together by yourself.

I know you wish things were different. Everyone does. But you have to be strong and you have to keep holding on, if it’s what you believe in. Hold on, despite the pain that comes from the ropes cutting into your skin. Hold on, in spite of the storm tearing at the billowing sails of your ship. Hold on, without a care for what the world has to say to you because that’s the kind of person you are. You drew the world around yourself because you believed in it. And you cannot let ‘Life’ tear you apart. Hold on not for the insecurities you have of the implications, hold on for the connection you possess with your dream. Hold on, not for false hope, hold on for true love. Hold on because you know of nothing else but holding on until you change Life’s mind. It is possible and it’s not. We have to be open to all possibilities. But, hope is never lost. Hold on to it. Hold on to yourself.

If you have to let go of something, let go of the questions. One day, they shall be answered. Let go of doubts. Your doubts can someday be rectified. Don’t doubt yourself, your fire shall burn again if you let hope fuel it. I know it’s hard right now, but in case things don’t work out, I promise that uncertainty can be made certain. You may have to live with the pain for a while, but wear it proudly. It simply makes you more human. Let go of the despair and remind yourself to love and love and love yourself. Hold on to the power of your heart, and feel it beat not just for itself, but for the love of your dream. Hold on to that. That’s all that matters.

Try to let yourself smile a little when it rains.

Love,

Someone who knows exactly how it feels.

Mirrors

Alina rose out of bed to a glorious, bright, sunny morning. Her chirpy voice wonderfully complemented the free-spiritedness of the fresh summer breeze.
Adriana squeezed her eyes shut and crawled back into her sheets to stop the rays of light from blinding her. Dragging herself out of bed was always a task. What would she not give for an extra five minutes of precious sleep!

Every morning was an opportunity to embrace all the new things the Almighty bestowed upon her, according to Alina. She happily cinched through the day, trying to learn as much as she could, generously sparing smiles to all those who passed her way. "Life is beautiful! There are so many things to be thankful for!" reflected Alina as she looked at her world in wonder. At a distance, she noticed an old woman standing at the railway platform, looking for assistance to board the train. People were in a hurry to get to work but Alina was glad to see the lady getting the help she needed from quite a few kind souls. "It's good to see that the world is still filled with helpful people," she thought.
The morning was rough for Adriana. She struggled through the day, wishing fervently for it to end as soon as possible. She was irked at how slowly time passed by as she kept looking at her watch every few minutes. As soon as her shift ended, Adriana ran out of office in the same way as a trapped bird flies out of its cage at the slightest opportunity it gets. She noticed that her colleague had dropped some of his files but she decided to ignore him and walk past instead of staying behind to help.

Suddenly, without any warning, it started pouring cats and dogs. Alina stared at the street-children sailing paper-boats in the rain and dancing joyously. She stopped work for the day and joined them in their merry-making. The rains made her feel alive! It made everything even more wonderful! After a little bit of fun, she made her way back home, oblivious to the hardships that the rain caused many people to face. After all, a wet person is not afraid of rains.
Adriana frowned at the rain.  It was such a hassle! Roads were blocked and the cars were just dirtying her clothes by splashing muddy water all over when they passed by. "How can any sensible person enjoy the rains!"she wondered. The flooded roads made it impossible for her to walk home and there was no cab in sight. Untrusting by nature, she contemplated whether she should ask for a lift from one of the vehicles that rushed past and finally decided against it. "These days, no one helps anyone. I'll just be wasting my time," she speculated and sat at a deserted bus-stop praying for the rains to stop. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, it stopped pouring and tired and exhausted, Adriana returned to her abode.

"Today was so much fun!" marvelled Alina as she tucked herself in bed. Before falling off to sleep, she said a small prayer and thanked the Universe for all the blessings it had showered her way. Her eyes shut the moment her head hit the pillow. Alina never had any trouble falling asleep just like she had no issues getting up in the morning. According to her, the faster she slept, the sooner morning would arrive and present before her fresh opportunities for new beginnings.
"What an awful day!" thought Adriana as she climbed back to bed. Her body ached and she let out a groan. "I should be glad it's over but what's the point? Tomorrow, it will be a new battle all over again!" With these thoughts, she finally drifted off to sleep, hoping the few hours of slumber would be enough to help her survive yet another day of her cursed existence.

Both did not realize that life was neither a blessing nor a curse. Life was just mirroring them. Everyone they met and everything they experienced were simply mirrors that reflected parts of their own consciousness back to them, giving them a chance to really see themselves and to, ultimately, help them grow. The qualities they most admired in others were actually their own and the same could be said for the qualities of others that they disliked.

Life looked at itself through Alina's mirror and felt peaceful and content.
It then took a peek at itself through Adriana's mirror and looked disdained and lost.
What would Life look like if it looked at your mirror?

For Suns That Never Set

The moon, no longer, looks beautiful. Tonight, it just seems to leave a mark on the clear, sunken sky. The rustling leaves which earlier whispered sweet melodies now give forlorn tunes. I continue to walk down the familiar path but it seems to take me longer than usual. Am I walking in circles?

I try chasing the shadows. Amidst the hazy labyrinth, one image stands clear - an echo of laughter tears my misty eyes. The sound of a delightful cry draws up a smile on my lips. My flailing hands try to trap the figure but it just disappears;  yet another failed attempt by rusted strings to savour a blistered song.

I decide to take a walk on the beach. I pick a handful of sand and hope that one grain will be you. The grains of sand are simply misbehaving! Perhaps you are here, slipping through my fingers, yet again.

It starts to rain. I watch the drops fall down on me, slithering through the branches of the tree under which I stand. The droplets entice me into remembering you when you tickled and teased me, to finally dry into oblivion, yet again.

You loved collecting rocks and stones. As the rain stops, almost as suddenly as it had begun, I pick up an interesting looking pebble. You cannot escape me now! But my embrace is not returned. Happiness can indeed be unfair! I can see the creases, smiling faintly, not responding to me, yet again.

Floundering around the muddy road, I find myself in a maze of roses. No matter how hard I try, it isn't easy getting rid of the scent of our memories. Roses were my favourite flowers; and each time you got me a red rose, with the fragrance of the flower, I somehow associated your smell. I stare at the loveliest rose in the garden. It looks so inviting! I don't need to be gifted roses when I can pick them up  for myself! But alas! The pricking thorns of the flower just force me out, yet again.

Finally admitting defeat, I storm back home. But this time, I meet a gush of breeze, tripping over, resisting to smile. The freshness reeks of you! You have come here as well! I just grasp the air and inhale. With each deep breath, I place you in me, and fall in love with you, yet again.

The Mumbai Rains

I finally experienced the first rain-showers of the year...After an unbearable streak of draining me off my energy reserves,  the hot sun has, finally, vanished behind the clouds and the so-called 'gloomy' weather that the rains bring has actually cheered me up and lifted my spirits!

I love the rains - the growling of the clouds, the rumble of the thunder, the pitter-patter of rain-drops - all these sounds - bring a smile on my face. There are people in Mumbai who dread and detest the rains but I am not one of them. Of course, I am not fond of wading in murky puddles nor do I like getting soaked in the rain immediately after getting ready for work in the mornings but I love the earthy smell and the feel of freshness that the rains bring to my surrounding...

It gives me a chance to forgo all my electronic gadgets - my iPod, my mobile phone - and just spend some time truly alone. I have recently shifted houses and currently, I reside on the fourteenth floor of a building. The view from the top is great! I love sitting in the balcony and just watching the rains pouring down...

Having lived in Mumbai for two years, now, I truly believe that it is a city that never halts! Even in the torrential rains, people are up and about, finding alternate means to reach work on time...I think to myself, "Had this happened in Kolkata, everyone would have stayed home and celebrated the prospect of getting a holiday!" But Bombay is not Kolkata and in this City of Dreams, come rain, come storm, the work in the city will never stop!

Whenever I talk about my love for the rains, people in Mumbai often narrate nasty experiences they have had of getting stuck in the middle of nowhere because of the downpour. I may not have been a resident of the city during the Mumbai rains of 26th July, 2005 but I, definitely, have had my fair share of bad experiences thanks to the rains. I remember getting stuck on the flooded roads of Mumbai for more than six and a half hours and making use of all possible means of transport (train, bus, auto-rickshaw and a lift in a stranger's car) in an attempt to make it back home. However, these events have not really deterred my spirits or succeeded in altering my love for the rains. I understand that the rains do cause a lot of inconvenience but, then, so does the heat...

Rains remind me of the time when I was a child and we made paper-boats and tried floating them in the rain-waters...Rains were the time when my mother used to take me shopping to buy a raincoat of my favourite colour and design - we would then, all, go to school wearing our individuality over our school uniforms! I find this excitement absent in the children, here, and that is something that I do miss about the rains back in Kolkata...To all the people who are in Bombay, it is just the beginning - the rains are here to stay for quite some time...So, this year, instead of cribbing and cursing, take a walk in the rains and savour each and every moment - don't just get wet!