Voids And Discoveries

He turned around to look at her one last time before he proceeded through the departure gates to board his flight. He wished she had accompanied him on his journey but their paths were completely divergent. He was travelling to his future - a land of many promises. Even though he had never gone there before, he was sure everything would be bright and beautiful for he was going to a place that had infinite potential.

She had chosen to stay behind. She considered the past to be a shrine that needed to be preserved. Reliable and unchanging, it provided her with an insight  to the beginning of everything as it gave her a sense of centre and stability.

As she watched him go, she had a sudden urge to leave her familiar path, catch his hand and travel his journey. It was not as if the thought hadn't occurred to her before. But each time she pondered over the matter, she realized that it wasn't the right thing to do for it would forever create a dent in her soul.

He had left his lover behind to completely submit himself to the quest of self-discovery even if it meant conversing with every piece of stone and pebble that created a dent under his sole.

As she walked back home, she hated to admit to herself that she was actually not feeling miserable. Even though he was gone, she did not really feel that she was missing anything in her life.

He cared for her a lot but he knew he could not be in love always. His life had always felt complete until she came along and made him realize what he had been missing all this time. Like a mirror, she reflected what was absent rather than what was present and helped him see the void in his soul -a void he had always resisted seeing. It was ironic that the one who had shown him the mirror of his soul and motivated him to step out of his zone of comfort could not leave her stability-zone behind and venture out to search for her missing pieces.

She stopped at a fountain and sat looking at the flow of water, coming from within and flowing outward. She felt it was metaphorical. By choosing to not walk the same path as he, she was kind of going through the same process of going within, digging inside so much that she ended up drooling out the same things repeatedly; only sometimes discovering some wisdom that kept her in the space of a momentary euphoric moment. She had no control over it and it always left her in a void; making her wonder what just happened and what was all that wisdom about. So far, the only discovery she had made was that she needed to feel someone caressing her body so that her soul would feel that it was alright to find nothing on the path that she had chosen to walk.

Tears welled up in her eyes as she, once again, felt she should have travelled with him. It would help her overcome her grief of not finding any wisdom and the joy of the many voids which were present on her journey.

He knew she would not have regretted her decision of walking down his road. He would have taken her to the beach where they would have sat together and watched the sea move. The waves that were unnoticeable from a distance would slowly appear as a slight bump until they got bigger and bigger as they came closer. When almost at the shore, the wave would look gigantic and crash with enormous power, and then soothe. He was sure that she would have liked watching this sight - it represented both of them going in and out of each other's heart, sometimes discovering something profound and sometimes just encountering a void. He felt, almost relieved, that he had left his old ways - somehow love felt like a drug that made one enjoy experiencing the same thing over and over again - he was glad he had overcome this addiction and discovered his zeal to travel on a path to a new existence.

No matter which path each had chosen, deep inside, both felt somewhat incomplete. Both had lost something which they wished they could get back. Both of them still continued to walk down their different paths, experiencing the same alternating incidents of voids and discoveries on their respective journeys. Hopefully, they would meet at a water-body someday.

With...Without...

It was late evening when she returned home from work. There were a few messages on her answering machine - some feeble attempts on the part of her handful of friends to get her to socialize. The truth was, more and more so lately, she found herself looking for excuses to be alone. She had dreaded the dull feeling of loneliness almost all her life but now it seemed to penetrate through every tissue, every cell in her body. Strangely, she did not find it that bad.

However, on this particular night, she felt extremely abandoned. Alone in her room, she kept feeling that the whole universe existed someplace else. She looked around and felt the emptiness of her space. It felt as if she was digging her own grave inside her and would die before she finished the process of burying herself. Desperate to catch a whiff of fresh air, she went to the terrace and stared at the sky.

There was a star right in front of her; twinkling yet alone. Slowly, as she continued staring into the night sky, several other stars showed up, far away from each other.

"Though apart, we are all stars belonging to the same sky," she thought, silently thanking the stars for the message they had unknowingly conveyed.

She allowed her mind to journey to the last time they had met. "When you travel, what is it that you seek?" she had asked him.
"I don't know," he said.
"Then how will you find it?" she questioned.
"Piece by piece," he replied matter-of-factly.
"How will you know that you have found all the pieces?" she teased. "The world is quite big, you know."
He appeared unperturbed. "I will know when I feel like the way I feel around you," came his reply.
"Which is," she urged him to continue though she could already feel both a flutter as well as a knot in her stomach.
"Complete," he said and then became suddenly silent.
"And what if I am what you are looking for?" she asked though she knew that now she was beginning to tread on broken glass pieces.
"Then I'll come back to you and never leave," he replied.
She should have been ecstatic on hearing his response yet she felt her shoulders tightening. She found herself saying, "Well then, I hope you never find me again."
"Why's that?" he asked, in a somewhat surprised tone.
"Because we both know that the day you stop exploring is the day you die. And with you, I."
He suddenly broke into one of his rare smiles. He pulled her cheeks fondly and remarked, "Since when did you start sounding all grown-up?"
"I travel with you too, you know...even if in spirit," she chirped. "Now go, I can hear the highways calling out your name. Ride safe!"
"I will," he promised.

Good-byes had never been easy for her but somehow letting him go hadn't been as difficult as she had imagined. Perhaps, it was because she still felt connected to him at soul-level. He was probably miles away from her but she still felt that her heart beat to the rhythm of his tunes.

But these days, she felt that she was gradually falling off from love. She wasn't moving away from it, of that she was sure, but lately, she missed being loved by him and felt no one loved her as much as he had. There were days when this feeling was so intense that she almost convinced herself to seek love from anywhere because she foolishly believed, in those moments, that everyone apart from her had so much love in their lives. Even though that feeling lasted only a few seconds, its residue continued to persist between her chest making her jump to the false conclusion that she was having a heart attack.

All of a sudden, she stumbled into a zone where she found herself untouched by the very existence of love. She felt irritated by this feeling because she knew that love flowed through every creation, through every damn molecule on this planet. Then, why was she so out of touch with this feeling? Why was she in this zone? Whatever the reason, she fervently wished she could get out of it. She did not feel unloved - she just missed being loved. Why had the rains stopped abruptly leaving her to muddle with the heat because of their absence when they should have been ruling the ground and making the mud feel orgasmic?

She really missed him and she wished he was there by her side, stroking her hair, watching her as she fell asleep. Thankfully, his thoughts had not left her presence. With thoughts of him, she entered into a world of slumber hoping to run into him in her dreams. Indeed, in the land of dreams, he awaited her arrival.
"I miss you," she complained to him. "I can't deal with this any longer. I am going to go away soon, far away, in the land where nothing exists."
He laughed, "Then, my love, your path to it is through the lanes of my heart. Believe me, without you, nothing exists."
"Do you miss me?" she asked.
"You're not really away," he said, caressing her. "When everything is silent inside me, I find Gods singing hymns through my breaths. And, my love; in my breaths, I find your music."
She smiled at him.
"If you loved me so much, why did you let me go?" he asked. "If you had asked me to stay, you knew I would."
"The most beautiful thing is when love gives you freedom," she replied.
"And when is that?" he asked.
"When you give yourself freedom to love," she said.
"Don't worry, my love," he said. "I think it is time for me to continue my journeys with you. I'll be coming soon. I hope you will wait for me."
"I will," she promised. "Come soon."

It was still dark outside but he decided that he had had enough rest for the night. In fact, he felt that he had had enough of everything. Earlier, he found it easy to simply wander for days without reaching any destination but these days, he felt as if the destination he was going to never existed. He had, in fact, left his destination behind. As this realization dawned, he felt as if a heavy load had been lifted from his heart. The journey had been eventful and he had no regrets but it was now time to return to the path from which he had digressed. Returning was not going to be an easy step but the thought of her filled him with feelings of calmness, tranquility and peace and he was determined to walk steadfastly ahead in the direction of his new-chosen path.

At the crack of dawn, he marched forward, fully awakened by the shining sun. In her sleep, she turned, with a big smile pasted on her face.

Morning would soon arrive, fulfilling its promise of a chance for new beginnings.

Mirrors

Alina rose out of bed to a glorious, bright, sunny morning. Her chirpy voice wonderfully complemented the free-spiritedness of the fresh summer breeze.
Adriana squeezed her eyes shut and crawled back into her sheets to stop the rays of light from blinding her. Dragging herself out of bed was always a task. What would she not give for an extra five minutes of precious sleep!

Every morning was an opportunity to embrace all the new things the Almighty bestowed upon her, according to Alina. She happily cinched through the day, trying to learn as much as she could, generously sparing smiles to all those who passed her way. "Life is beautiful! There are so many things to be thankful for!" reflected Alina as she looked at her world in wonder. At a distance, she noticed an old woman standing at the railway platform, looking for assistance to board the train. People were in a hurry to get to work but Alina was glad to see the lady getting the help she needed from quite a few kind souls. "It's good to see that the world is still filled with helpful people," she thought.
The morning was rough for Adriana. She struggled through the day, wishing fervently for it to end as soon as possible. She was irked at how slowly time passed by as she kept looking at her watch every few minutes. As soon as her shift ended, Adriana ran out of office in the same way as a trapped bird flies out of its cage at the slightest opportunity it gets. She noticed that her colleague had dropped some of his files but she decided to ignore him and walk past instead of staying behind to help.

Suddenly, without any warning, it started pouring cats and dogs. Alina stared at the street-children sailing paper-boats in the rain and dancing joyously. She stopped work for the day and joined them in their merry-making. The rains made her feel alive! It made everything even more wonderful! After a little bit of fun, she made her way back home, oblivious to the hardships that the rain caused many people to face. After all, a wet person is not afraid of rains.
Adriana frowned at the rain.  It was such a hassle! Roads were blocked and the cars were just dirtying her clothes by splashing muddy water all over when they passed by. "How can any sensible person enjoy the rains!"she wondered. The flooded roads made it impossible for her to walk home and there was no cab in sight. Untrusting by nature, she contemplated whether she should ask for a lift from one of the vehicles that rushed past and finally decided against it. "These days, no one helps anyone. I'll just be wasting my time," she speculated and sat at a deserted bus-stop praying for the rains to stop. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, it stopped pouring and tired and exhausted, Adriana returned to her abode.

"Today was so much fun!" marvelled Alina as she tucked herself in bed. Before falling off to sleep, she said a small prayer and thanked the Universe for all the blessings it had showered her way. Her eyes shut the moment her head hit the pillow. Alina never had any trouble falling asleep just like she had no issues getting up in the morning. According to her, the faster she slept, the sooner morning would arrive and present before her fresh opportunities for new beginnings.
"What an awful day!" thought Adriana as she climbed back to bed. Her body ached and she let out a groan. "I should be glad it's over but what's the point? Tomorrow, it will be a new battle all over again!" With these thoughts, she finally drifted off to sleep, hoping the few hours of slumber would be enough to help her survive yet another day of her cursed existence.

Both did not realize that life was neither a blessing nor a curse. Life was just mirroring them. Everyone they met and everything they experienced were simply mirrors that reflected parts of their own consciousness back to them, giving them a chance to really see themselves and to, ultimately, help them grow. The qualities they most admired in others were actually their own and the same could be said for the qualities of others that they disliked.

Life looked at itself through Alina's mirror and felt peaceful and content.
It then took a peek at itself through Adriana's mirror and looked disdained and lost.
What would Life look like if it looked at your mirror?

Clutter

She wasn't a sloppy person by nature yet it would be safe to assume that her house wasn't the tidiest place on earth. Stacks of newspaper lay forgotten in a corner until they transformed into a mountain-pile ready to topple. Her bedroom, more often than not, accommodated washed, creased clothes in dire need of being ironed and placed back in overflowing cupboards. She had never really been a hoarder but suddenly it seemed that her home was crammed with stuff she did not need; and for some strange reason, she did not have the heart to discard so many things at one go!

Messy places had never really bothered her so she settled quite happily amidst the clutter. She was so engrossed in sorting out the jumbled pieces of other people's lives that she had no time to clean her physical space.

The morning started like any other morning. She woke up, dragged herself out of bed, got ready, boarded the train to work and spent the train-journey chatting on the phone with her friend. There was nothing extraordinary about this day - at least not until she finally arrived at work and sat at her desk. She dove into her bag to fish out her locker-key when the horrible realization dawned on her that it wasn't there! Not one to easily panic, she found herself frantically emptying out the contents of her bag, desperate to find it. It did not take her long to realize that it wasn't there. She calmed herself down, took a few deep breaths and told herself to relax. "I must have left it at home," she thought and resumed work. But no matter how hard she tried, she could not ignore the deep sinking feeling that had set in her heart. Something told her that she wouldn't find it but, as was her norm, she neglected that tiny voice and went about her day as if nothing had happened.

When she returned home, her worst fear had come true - the key was indeed missing. She looked in every possible place but it just could not be found. She was quite a scatter-brain from time to time but her things had a habit of turning up every now and then. Not usually a worrier, she was rather surprised to find tears filling her eyes. It was just a key! Why was she so distressed?

She thought about distracting herself by going out for a drink and immediately made plans with a friend she hadn't caught up with in a really long time. However, as the time for her to venture out of her house dawned near, she felt her feet getting heavy as if indicating that they just did not want to move. Not one to ever back out last minute of a plan she had herself made, she surprised herself by cancelling on her friend and staying indoors. Finally, home alone, she sat down and decided to spend an evening catching up with the most important person in her life - her own self.

It had been ages since she had even thought about herself. Her life had become a mundane routine as she busied herself with work. She had never been such a person! She loved her job but for the first time she wondered if work was just a diversion to distract herself from the painful memories of tomorrows that never came. Even though she hated admitting it, she knew she wasn't really upset about losing the key - true, she was always a perfectionist when it came to work and while she did have a reputation to maintain of never misplacing her things at work, she knew what truly bothered her was losing the key-chain to which the key had been attached...

She had no idea of the significance of that particular, inexpensive key-chain until she had lost it...That particular key-chain stood as a symbol of simpler times in her life, of a time when she had felt blessed with happiness and abundance. Not having it suddenly made her conscious of the emptiness that had engulfed her world. She suddenly started howling and shedding a flood of tears. For some reason, the tears kept coming and would not stop. She had never felt more aware of her robotic existence than at that very moment. After a while, her tears dried. She calmed herself and realized that despite the disconcert she actually was relieved - she had finally experienced an emotion so deeply after a really long time. She had been so busy protecting herself from feelings of hurt that, in the process, without realizing, she had invariably ended up shutting herself from feeling any emotion at all.

She looked at her house and felt disgusted, almost repulsed. She finally understood what she had been doing in the past few months. Not one to dawdle, she immediately set to work. She opened her cupboard and donated her discarded clothes to a homeless shelter in order to make room for the pile of clothes that lay on her bed. She cleaned the floors, sweeping away even the dust that lay forgotten beneath the carpets. She recycled and disposed all the old things for which she had no use. She did not need clutter in her physical space to compensate for the void that was present in her mental state.

Her house was not spic and span but it was definitely tidier than before. The key was yet to turn up and while she hoped with all her heart that it would, she knew she would be alright even if it didn't. While precious, old memories are always fun to cherish, it is more important to make room for building new ones that we may want to treasure.