Thursday, 28 November 2013

Living

We all talk about living life to the fullest and enjoying each and every moment that life has to offer. But what do you make of days that just pass by as if they are already dead by the time you begin to experience them? What do you make of those experiences? Do they just disappear from your universe simply because you did not take the trouble of registering them?

None of us succeed in remembering each and every detail of the things that happen to us. If something is forgotten, does that mean it has ceased to exist? What happens to people who suffer from Alzheimer’s and cannot remember what happened just a while ago? I find it very difficult to put myself in their shoes. If I woke up one day and did not know who I was, I cannot even fathom how I would feel. Would it mean that my life-time has just gone by silently, crawling away from my memory and leaving nothing but traces of anxiety buried within me? If that happened, would my life-time be measured simply on account of the anxiety that I will, then, harbour?

These days, I find myself becoming a rather passive observer. I don’t really desire life but I definitely have no wish for death. It upsets me that I have no other option – in a world where one is always spoilt for choice, having just two alternatives does not feel good. There are many things that I still wish to do but none accommodated by either one of those choices.

People sometimes feel I over-think. These days, I feel I just cannot think anymore – if I do, my head will explode! I feel my thoughts are held at gun-point to live and breathe as if they wish to survive. Sometimes I feel as if my thoughts have disowned me and I am left with no memory. I only have everything that has been forgotten and each day, I am struggling to live this forgotten life that seems to be whispering to me in an undead manner through words that keep running away from me the moment I choose to speak them out.

10 comments:

  1. What's happening around us definitely not very positive. But one has to find positivity around Divya. I get a sense of you are saying. It is good to introspect. Don't stress, take a break. Read some good books. Life is not easy. And on top of it it is not fair. Yet it has beautiful moments. Cheer up girl. You are young. You have everything going for you.

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    1. I don't believe that life is not easy :D I genuinely believe life is easy, effortless and fun ;) Yes, there are times it does not appear fair to you but again that could just be your perception :) You are probably getting served some karma, I guess...I do believe that everything comes with an expiry date so even the bad times shall pass....However, what one goes through during that time does lead to transformation and one is never ever again the same....I feel something like that is happening with me :)

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  2. Maybe you are in a flux, and these are defining times because nothing makes sense then. You are not in the same state as you were before and you also cannot recognize yet the state you are moving towards. So there is chaos, randomness but you will come out of it strong!

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    1. That is the hope, dear Wren :) :)

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  3. I think Divya you are practicing what they tell us in counseling classes to do - be detached! But jokes apart, memory is something that can cause us a lot of happiness and also pain. I prefer selective memory where I can forget the bad parts.

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    1. Ha!Ha! Like they say, practice what you preach :-D
      I think I am doing my best to stay detached :) it's easy to do so in the professional front - not so much in the personal *sigh*

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  4. Breathe, Divya! Ease up and just live.
    Wishing you all the best that life can bring. Take care :-)

    By the way, it was such a delight seeing you in my blog. Thanks for the lovely visit and comment. Blessings!

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    1. Thanks Ellen :) I need all the good wishes! It's always a pleasure to visit your blog :)

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  5. You sound kind of dejected. I am worried. Take it easy. Just take life one day at a time. Relax and take a vacation.

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    1. Thank you so much for your concern :) I am well :D Thank you so much!

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