Every night, I dream of being awoken drowsy on a late night call from you, buzzing just to say, "I miss you." Each day passes by with me hoping to receive a text from you, simply asking, "How are you?" Getting over you is going to be harder than I thought because I never laugh the way I laughed with you. There is nowhere for me to completely surrender myself into a crazy serenity. Surprisingly, no pain has made me cry more than the pain I felt when I took a step back and you just allowed me to walk away. Earlier, I used to cry thinking only about the precious time we spent together which will never return. These days, I feel that time itself has gone.
What do I miss more? The drowning sun, to a sultry night, where you were the moon to light? Or the crowning glory of a failed cause where you were my pillar to lean? You were always there when I was in a bad mood. I have nowhere to go now.
Sometimes, I blame myself. I should never have let my fingers let go of yours! I wish I still had the right to call you mine. These days, I feel like a criminal each time your name tries to surface on my lips. It's a pity that while fingers are allowed to lose their grip, memories continue to live till time and beyond.
People say that broken hearts are often mended while there are others that remain bruised. I am not sure if the shattered pieces of my broken heart can ever be recovered. If by chance, someone does collect those wrecked pieces, what will happen if my heart is broken again? It is extremely hard for me to tolerate the pain now; will I ever be able to bear it again should similar circumstances repeat themselves?
I wonder for quite some time about what I should do. Finally, I have the solution! I am going to rip my heart out. Then, I shall shut it in a little black box and lock it with a key. I will bury the box in the ground and then row a boat to the deepest point of the ocean. There, I will throw the key and never look back. Someday, the key may wash ashore and someone might find it. But there is no way the key will find its way back to me! Even if it does come back, it shall not matter. The key will be useless by then as the little box which contained my heart would have powdered into five elements and perished. I will walk around with a big hole in my chest but I will never be in pain. I will be a coward but I will be okay.